Health is Wealth
Anyone know much about Robert Louis Stephenson?
Ol’ Bob spent most of his childhood sick—off and on—inside in bed. Weak lungs, ya know? He was bedridden often in his short life. I read A Child’s Garden of Verses as a kid, and for some reason, this detail about him stuck with me. Now it feels like the reason this trivia rattled around in my brain so long was all for some perspective in regards to my present-day life.
Like all of us, I’ve been confined to my home due to the ‘Vids. However, since July, I’ve barely been able to move—even throughout my own home—due to what feels like Ol’ Bob’s aforementioned weak lungs paired with a jumpy, speedy heart and nighttime shortness of breath. (What a cocktail!)
Naturally, I took a COVID test when this all started; I think any of us would in this time. After a negative, a visit with my PCP showed some allergens, clear lungs, and of course, a return of my ever-persistent anemia. Iron supplements (and my standard basic supplements: B12, magnesium, probiotics, and Vit D) have certainly helped over the past few weeks. Yet here I am, still stuck inside and mostly immobile on yet another Saturday with no answers and all the same feelings I had when I landed in the hospital in 2012. Feelings of fear, confusion, regret, self-loathing, and (oddly) a little hope.
My health, physical and mental, has unfortunately been all over the place since I was about to turn 18. (A saga for another day, amigos). Now with the physical on the fritz like in ‘12 again, I’m reminded of the promises I made to my 25-year-old self in that hospital bed about what she had to do when she checked out from a life-saving stay: do better. In every way. And never, ever forget that HEALTH IS WEALTH again!
But oh, what did foolish me do after a handful of years? She fucking forgot. Of all the things to lose sight of in the chaos of life 🙄Despite the fact that, without health, it’s hard to live life (chaotic or not) in the way you choose.
Sometimes it seems like there’s no path back to the way things were for my body, which can be worrisome and lonely. But instead of continuously living in that isolated void, I’ve discovered and loved some silver linings. I’ve been finding ways to make it all less heavy and expand the walls of what life is right now, like getting back into regular reading, discovering I actually CAN use dual joysticks to finally play Bioshock, and tending to a decently lush porch garden. But wouldn’t it be cool if I could do all of that plus, ya know, deep clean my house and exercise every day? Maybe. Probably. Definitely.
It’s not lost on me this is how so many people have to live their lives right now, whether they have/have had COVID or not. Many people live this way all the time due to ever-present health issues. And I bet all of us—those of us living in this unwell space and those lucky enough to be thriving—want the same things for ourselves: to live fully AND to stop taking good days and good health for granted. It’s never guaranteed, especially in the middle of a viral pandemic.
I regret reverting to the mindset of taking wellness for granted. I regret not staying ahead of the components I could have controlled. And I regret not speaking more frequently about all this publicly because I know so many people struggle with health issues, yet this imperfect sector of life is noticeably absent from social media where faux-perfection is king.
Hopefully soon, after a bevy of other appointments and tests, I’ll have some actionable steps to follow and will be able to get back to my best physical self. In the mean time, I’ll be drinking the most water, sleeping when my body tells me to, and writing endless to-do lists of what I’ll accomplish when I’m through this stormy season. Honestly, that’s my best advice to everyone right now: take care and look to the horizon. It’s kinda all we have.
You’ll never be richer than today, if today you are well. Stay healthy, friends.
As for how this will all shake out? Answers to come for me; details to come for you one day as well. OH, and hopefully some words (or maybe even—gasp—an entire post!) that’re a little more cohesive, but cut me some slack, eh? My ribs are sore, sleep eludes me, and well, I’m rusty at this whole writing affair.